There has always been a hole in my heart ever since Lauren said his goodbye and sorry two years ago. a hole that only him can fill up. but because he wasn't up for the job, that hole has always been empty. it still aches but i learned to get along with the small pangs every once in a while.
after two years of forgetting our 4-day love affair, i thought all was well. jeez, its been two years and if i haven't been over him by now, then something's wrong with me. but, there is something wrong with me.
one time, a friend of mine told me a story about Lauren's answer when he was asked to choose between me and another girl. the friend of mine said that he said, 'Si tolet talaga.' Unbelievable was my first thought. and i still think so up until now. now, they are telling me that they've asked Lauren the same question and he gave the same answer. i still don't believe it.
anyway, this past few days, i felt like he's been dropping hints about how they say he feels about me. but then, it was the same assumption that caused me this still open wound in the first place.
What i decided to do is that, I will not make assumptions and would not have expectations unless he have said so himself that he, Lauren, likes me. well, even then, i shouldn't probably set expectations which might lead to further frustrations and heartaches.
I never thought that it would be possible to even try enjoying the ride without a view of what's in the end. i still haven't got the hang of it, but i'm sure i will. :)
I have accepted the possibility of a not-so-good ending, but the roller coaster ride to there would be more enjoyable than living a painless ending full of regrets.
have a lovely day!
toletski xx
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