i often think of myself as someone with a "sticky aura". meaning, as one professor told us, we are very much prone to people treating us badly. in my life, i guess it's true. i was always the last or, fortunate sometimes, second to the last kid to get picked in gym class (though we don't really have gym class. but its pretty close to what i'm talking about).
now that i'm in college, this theory has once again been proven to be accurate. since freshman year, i've been hopping from one barkada to another. clique-hopping. if i could remember right, i have been into 5 barkadas including the one i'm in right now. and i transfer from one barkada to another because of them treating me not so nicely.
just as i thought everything was going along fine with this new barkada, problems started to outnumber the good points of being with the barkada. I blame it to my gooey aura. in my barkada i often feel left out. and when i do, i tend to keep quiet and they wouldn't even mind. in a pursuer-distancer dyad. i'm the pursuer.
but when all hopes are lost and being alone is most tempting, an amazing thing would happen. and in that rare thing, i would find one reason to stay (in the barkada) against the hundreds of reasons why i should leave. and in this rare moments, events, that one reason magically rule out all those hundreds.
sometimes, it would make me cry. but, now, i hold the tears back because my friends make fun of for it. they say i'm iyakin. after a few days, they would mimic my crying, and i laugh with them.
actually, i'm kinda getting used to their treating me as an outlet of their joy, annoyance, and pain. i mean, i think i was born to be a social person that can't stand being alone for a long time, it's better to be with some friends who would treat you in a "unique" way unlike the way they're treating the rest, than not treating you as anything at all.
wakas!
paalam. till next post!<3
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: I'm sorry if your eyes swell with the number of times i've written barkada in this entry. barkada means a group of people you hang out with most of the time.
now that i'm in college, this theory has once again been proven to be accurate. since freshman year, i've been hopping from one barkada to another. clique-hopping. if i could remember right, i have been into 5 barkadas including the one i'm in right now. and i transfer from one barkada to another because of them treating me not so nicely.
just as i thought everything was going along fine with this new barkada, problems started to outnumber the good points of being with the barkada. I blame it to my gooey aura. in my barkada i often feel left out. and when i do, i tend to keep quiet and they wouldn't even mind. in a pursuer-distancer dyad. i'm the pursuer.
but when all hopes are lost and being alone is most tempting, an amazing thing would happen. and in that rare thing, i would find one reason to stay (in the barkada) against the hundreds of reasons why i should leave. and in this rare moments, events, that one reason magically rule out all those hundreds.
sometimes, it would make me cry. but, now, i hold the tears back because my friends make fun of for it. they say i'm iyakin. after a few days, they would mimic my crying, and i laugh with them.
actually, i'm kinda getting used to their treating me as an outlet of their joy, annoyance, and pain. i mean, i think i was born to be a social person that can't stand being alone for a long time, it's better to be with some friends who would treat you in a "unique" way unlike the way they're treating the rest, than not treating you as anything at all.
wakas!
paalam. till next post!<3
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: I'm sorry if your eyes swell with the number of times i've written barkada in this entry. barkada means a group of people you hang out with most of the time.
Aww tolet, just so you know, the people who you are with you right now, though some may have taken you for granted, are just a tiny microscopic part or what the cosmics have planned out for you. Once you finish college, it'll be like a baby fish in an open sea. You'll realize that people who've been in your life, wretched or wonderful as they came, contributed to who you are right now, and how you're gonna face things yet to come. Continuosly you'll learn how to manage and deal with life on your own, always remember Some friends will be lost, But You'll have lots new ones, But keep an eye for those who are worth the keep. :3 i love you tolet, stay strong :D
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